Alice In Evergreen Terrace
by Silvertide
Summary: Rated PG for man-eating monsters that slither and drool. I wrote this crossover years ago, after reading "Alice In Wonderland". Here it is for your reading pleasure. [FINAL VERSION]


Note: All copyrights belong to their respective owners. This story was done for fun, not for profit. So respective copyright holders; please do not sue.  
  
ALICE IN EVERGREEN TERRACE by Silvertide  
  
In a nice little suburb in the middle of America, there was a street known as Evergreen Terrace. On a sunny and cloudless day, a manhole cover slipped open and a little girl named Alice climbed out. She stepped on the sidewalk and saw houses lined up side by side to her right and to her left. Alice came across a sidewalk corner and noticed a sign which read "Evergreen Terrace".  
  
" 'Evergreen Terrace', that must be where I am" thought Alice. "Oh, there seems to be some peculiar looking people running around on the grass over there.", she said to herself out loud in a British accent. "Maybe they know where that white rabbit went."  
  
A fat balding man in white and blue, chased after a spiky-haired little boy in brightly colored clothing. The man shouted out obscenities as he chased the boy around in circles. Sitting in the grass nearby, there was a little baby girl with a lollipop who was busy playing with a power saw.   
  
Alice stepped on the grass. The man grabbed the boy by the neck and began to strangle him with both hands. "Excuse me, but could you-? What in the world are you trying to do with that boy?" inquired a curious and very lost Alice. As she asked, she also noticed that the lawn she stood on was littered with many objects, while all the other houses had clean ones.  
  
All of a sudden, a woman with tall blue hair burst out of the front door of the house. "Run for your lives! Aliens from outer space are invading!" shrieked the terrified woman in a raspy voice. The man then stopped choking the boy and said in a very patronizing tone of voice, "Honey, aliens from outer space aren't invading, that's crazy talk." A little girl in an orange dress suddenly ran out of the house and screamed, "Dad! Dad! I was doing my homework and when I looked out of the window I saw...that!" She then pointed to an armada of flying saucers hovering over their neighborhood in the sky.  
  
"I didn't know saucers could fly...wait...why is everyone yellow?" asked a perplexed Alice. She looked down and exclaimed, "My goodness! I'm yellow also! What is going on here?!?" As she stood shocked with the truth, one of the saucers landed on the road in front of them. A hatch unsealed and opened as a gigantic, green one-eyed space alien with many tentacles slithered out. Several more quickly slithered out after the first. More and more saucers began to land in the suburban neighborhood. "What an odd looking creature! Why do they all have those glass domes over their heads? Wouldn't they suffocate wearing them?" pondered Alice. At the sight of the horrifying creatures everybody except Alice and the little baby with the power saw, began panicking and screaming.  
  
"We have come to conquer your puny, pathetic planet, you puny, pathetic earthlings! Now, bow down and worship your new lords and masters! Mwa- hahahahahaha!" laughed the first alien.  
  
"Quick family! We must run away panicking and screaming while there's still time!" screamed the balding man. The family began running away panicking and screaming for their lives, leaving Alice and the baby standing on the lawn. As they ran off, the aliens fired at them with their ray guns, then they chased after them. Alice, who was totally confused by everything around her, stood watching. The baby began to crawl towards the flying saucer left parked on the roadway as an alien slithered up to Alice.  
  
"You! Puny earth girl! Bow down to me, one of your many new masters!", commanded an alien to Alice.  
  
"I beg your pardon? Do you have the slightest idea how rude it is to demand someone to bow down when they don't want to? It is not very nice." replied Alice.  
  
"Really? I had no idea, I'm sorry..." apologized the alien.  
  
"It's also very uncivil to invade a planet without asking for permission!"  
  
"It is? Well, no one told me that before...I always assumed that when they screamed for mercy they were enjoying it. I don't think anybody back on my homeworld knows that either. I'll talk to the commander to see about straightening this whole mess out. Maybe we could do this all over again except we would ask for permission first. Would that be better?" asked the alien sadly.  
  
"I suppose it would." replied Alice.  
  
While the alien went off to talk with his commander, Alice noticed the baby she saw earlier pick up a saw left on the sidewalk. Moments later, the alien returned with another alien who had a small medal attached to its glass dome. The alien's commander slithered up to Alice with a very angry look in its eye.  
  
"So! This is the one! Trying to fool us into aborting our glorious mission of conquest with your mind games and advanced emotional manipulation techniques, huh? Well, I am one commander who is immune to your underhanded military strategy! Trying to use our own emotions against us, eh? This soldier here will be emotional crippled for the rest of his life cycle! How dare you take away the joy of mindless destruction and planetary conquest from him! We have feelings too, you- aargh! You're doing it to me too! Your manipulation techniques are stronger than I thought! What is this horrible feeling I'm experiencing?!?"  
  
"You mean guilt?" asked Alice.  
  
"Oh no! She's making us feel bad about doing bad things! Something must be done about this at once! She must be executed before her influence taints the rest of the troops!" shrieked the alien commander. Before the commander's execution order was carried out, a loud crash was heard. The alien and its commander turned around and saw the saucer in front of the lawn had fallen over. One of its supports had been sawed off, and the baby with the lollipop stood next to it holding a power saw.  
  
"Look! While this one distracts us with its mind manipulations, the smaller one is sabotaging our ship!" exclaimed the first alien.  
  
"These earthlings are more dangerous than we thought. How could this be? They seemed so mindless and slow-witted in the transmissions we intercepted from earth." said the alien commander.  
  
"You mean those 'television' signals?" asked the first alien.  
  
"Yes! It appears these creatures are smarter than we realized! I know! We will recruit the more intelligent beings as prefects! That way, the more slow witted humans, with their stupidity, won't know how to fight back! Mwa ha ha! A perfect plan!" laughed the alien commander  
  
"And if they refuse?"  
  
"We'll have a barbecue!"  
  
"Oh! An excellent idea! A barbecue would take away this feeling of...'guilt', and it'll be so much fun!"  
  
The baby with the lollipop was seen as one of the more intelligent beings, and was guaranteed a role as an overseer of stupid humans after she offered her lollipop to the alien commander. Although Alice was seen as being smarter than the average human, she was deemed too dangerous to be left alive. So the alien commander commanded her execution. Too small for the main course, she was to be an appetizer instead.  
  
Rows and rows of tables were used for the barbecue. The small baby sat on a small throne held up in the air by several young children. The other adults were busy turning the roasting crank with the bald fat man Alice saw earlier, tied to it. A small fire, still not hot enough to cook him was burning at his feet. Alice was tied to a wooden pole nearby, with fire wood being thrown at her feet. The alien commander sat at one of the tables with a big bib and a huge fork, waiting for his meal to begin.  
  
"Eating a person without their permission is simply barbaric!" commented a yet to be cooked Alice.  
  
"She's trying to do it again! Somebody tape her mouth shut! I don't want my appetizers to talk!" commanded an alien.  
  
The fat man began to plea with the baby. "I know I ate all the cookies in the cookie jar and didn't leave any for you. But that doesn't mean you have to let me die. Now why don't you be a good little girl and untie your daddy?"  
  
"You have wronged the great servant of the great masters! Her great decree is for you to burn for your great insolence!" proclaimed one of the children holding the baby up. With a wave of her hand, the baby ordered that more wood be thrown into the fire pit, making the fire burn brighter.  
  
"Oh, everything is quite odd, nothing is at all right...I know! I must be in the wrong story! I'd better get back to Wonderland before I'm cooked alive! But how do I get out of here?" wondered Alice. As Alice made her realization, a purple cat with a big grin and a stripped back, appeared out of thin air. "Mr. Carroll is very angry with you Alice! He's especially angry with the writer of this sorry excuse of a short story! Everything is either based off of Mr. Carroll's book or some mindness television series! Follow me, and I will take you back to wonderland where you belong!" said the cat. And so, the cat untied Alice, took her back to wonderland, and everyone else was left living unhappily ever after. Except for the aliens, because they had a new set of slaves.  
  
Far away from Alice, the giant aliens, and Evergreen Terrace was someone sitting in front of a computer reading a short story on a website known as www.fanfiction.net. The reader read this odd story about one-eyed monsters, and a little girl who was supposed to be in a place known only as wonderland. All the characters were from either a book by a man named Carroll or a TV series created by a man named Groening. The reader was thinking about writing a review for this story, it would either be a favorable review of how the author brilliantly captured the essence of all the characters and should be praised with truckloads of money, or it would be an unfavorable one where the story was critisized for the cheap ending, for how the last paragraph had little to do with the rest of the story, and it would end with how the author should never even think about writing a story ever again. In the end the reader gave up on choosing, and decided to look for a better story on www.fanfictin.net instead. Far away, unknown to the reader, was an armada of space ships, full of aliens plotting to conquer Earth, quietly hoving over the major cities of humanity. While people read the tales of Alice in an odd wonderland, and while people watched yellow-skinned cartoon characters do mindless and slow-witted things on TV, the aliens prepared to take the Earth and enslave its inhabitants so that they could live happily ever after with their slaves while reading about themselves on www.fanfiction.net.  
  
THE END 


End file.
